Blues: Life After Travel

Australia 2017, England

We’ve all heard about how hard it is to quit your job, book your plane ticket and get on your flight to some unknown adventure, but no one ever really tells you that it’s ten times harder to come back home. I’m 23 and I’m hopelessly lost.

Immediately after landing back in the UK I landed an admin job with a modest salary – certainly not on the level I was on before – and I felt bored at work for the first time in my life. No one spoke to me, no one made me feel welcome, and perhaps most crucially there was no phone signal on the business estate (which genuinely still baffles me because WHY?). After several missed calls and lining up 3 interviews in a row in buying, I had to quit.

Today marks 2 weeks of officially being unemployed which doesn’t sound like very long at all, but to me it feels like a lifetime. The first week was exciting, applying for all these wonderful jobs, listing some things on eBay to get some extra money, researching business ideas – I was fresh and ready to get my career back on track. The second week was last week when I actually had three days of interviews back-to-back, which I haven’t and to be honest, don’t expect to hear back from. I feel like two went really well, but one is super competitive, and the other was in an awful location which I just cannot imagine myself relocating to. I need to be 100% sure that whatever job I take is my “forever” job, and by that I mean my 3-year plan.

I feel like travelling was a massive self-sabotage on my part. I took a massive leap, which little did I realise was actually into career suicide. This time last year I had my dream job, I was earning good money, I lived with two of my best gal pals in a cute house in Reading. I could walk to work and easily save £600 p/m but still live it up every. single. weekend. Every day since I got back I’ve been checking for my old job to re-surface online, and it finally did. Last week, actually. I applied the same day in a state of excitement, before remembering how long the recruitment process took last time and whether I could possibly be patient enough to wait 5 months for a job that I might not even get the second time around.

The thing is this: Even if I did get my old job back, even if I did move back to Reading, I wouldn’t have my girls around me (two are in Australia, ironically). I wouldn’t have my lovely old team with my little desk and all my samples. I wouldn’t have my little box of filing that I just never had time to sort out. I wouldn’t have my glittery Minnie Mouse cup sparkling with every panicked sip. I miss the high-pressure and the fast paced aspect of my old job. I miss a garment coming in wrong and feeling like the world was ending a la Devil Wears Prada.

You cannot change the past and I think that’s something I need to remind myself of daily. All I can do is scramble at the fragments of my life and somehow attempt to rebuild the life I had made for myself. I don’t know what the next few months will bring and I would be lying if I said that didn’t terrify me. Some of my pals who are still living life upside down (in Australia) are keen to know how I’m getting on, but at the moment it’s safe to say: Not great.

Before I went away I didn’t think about what life would be like upon my return. If you are thinking of travelling I strongly urge you to evaluate your life right now and whether it’s the right choice for you. It is so easy to hand in your notice and get on a plane without a second thought, but it’s not so easy doing the opposite and trying to land your same job you fought so hard for in the first place.

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Coming Home

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It started 4 weeks ago, a constant voice of “book your flight” and truth be told I had no idea what date I would actually book when I sat down to finally plan my return to London. Originally I had thought early October, then end of September, but when it came down to it, I knew I just wanted to be home. This time next week I’ll be in England, curled up in my favourite chair with a strong tea, and that thought makes me feel beyond calm. 

I’ve spent the past two months on a farm packing apples in a house share of thirty girls. We have two toilets, one is outside, and two showers. It’s cramped at the best of times and whilst I’ve met some absolute angels here, I’ve also met people who have taught me things that I didn’t quite expect. I had something, two things, stolen. One being my silver bracelet with HOPE written on it and one a black viscose tshirt that I bought from a Market in Bangkok. Whilst neither item had any particular value, when you do not own a lot of things it seems like the end of the world because what on earth will I wear with X, Y, or Z without my black tee staple? But then it hit me. I did not need these material items, I just liked them. At first I struggled to understand how someone could take from somebody who literally has nothing, but I take comfort in knowing that whoever took them needed them more than I did. 

Today is my last working week, on Friday I’m heading the Melbourne, ironically my least favourite place in Australia for my last two days. I booked a nice hotel and I’m literally going to chill and bathe myself in deep heat because packing has not been kind to my health. I couldn’t even begin to write what a whirlwind my time in Australia has been. I came out here without a plan, I just knew I was desperately unhappy in England but I could never pin point quite why. My happiness was based purely on fashion and to me now, that is very sad when the world has so much more to offer. 

When I get home I assume I’ll be temping in London whilst I try to find my feet on the career ladder, but around that I’d like to volunteer at the hospice which cared for my Nana and I’d like to travel the UK and Ireland. I want to see Scotland and stay in an isolated cosy log cabin in the wilderness. And I’d like to see Tuam (Galway, Ireland) where my family is from. And I’d like to go to Wales and scream at the rugby after one too many beers. There are so many experiences and things that I want to do before I settle and get a house with a mortgage, and tiny humans that rely on me. 

I don’t know what will happen over the coming months. I don’t know if I’ll stay in Kent when I’ve learned how easy it is to pick up and move your life wherever you want it to be. I am a risk taker, and at the end of the day, that is how you grow. 

Liv on: Looking Ahead

Australia 2017, Tuesday

Ever since I hit Cairns on the East Coast I’ve felt stagnated, I couldn’t really get a proper job (even though I had a terrible brief time doing door to door sales hahaha) because I knew I would be leaving soon for Thailand. I fly in 4 days and I couldn’t be more excited, and not only because I’ll have a month to sit on the beach all day every day, but because when I return to Australia I can finally get a job and earn some dollars. I saved pretty hard to come out here, granted I never quite knew what I was saving for, but without fail every month I was putting away 300-500£. When I go home I want to have the same amount saved up so I won’t struggle and so the remaining 6 months of my visa will be work work work to regain my savings.

I think when I head back to England in December/January I’ll move up north, rent a cheap but cute house and live happily ever after. Part of me thinks I should explore the UK while I can, I’ve never been to Scotland or Ireland, which is a shame because they’re so close. Doing this trip solo has changed my view on the world endlessly, there are so many beautiful places just waiting to be explored. I used to spend weekends head first in a Dominos and in arms that didn’t love me, when I could of been going on spontaneous trips to somewhere that would make me feel more alive than a lazy Sunday in bed ever could. I think I want to take driving lessons when I get home (I have a full UK license but I’m an insanely nervous driver and just can’t) and then buy a camper van to explore the UK in.

I want to be doing a job I love with something that truly inspires me. I want to have goals that make me excited and motivated to succeed. I don’t have a clue what I’ll be doing a year, a month or even a week from now, but that’s what’s exciting about life. I used to hate spontaneity – random gifts and surprises would actually make me upset because I’ve always been a control freak. I still cringe over when he bought me speakers and I didn’t even know what to say except “I don’t want them”. Opps. I absolutely hated the idea of not being in charge, but now I realise that actually it’s so liberating and gives you a sense of freedom to just let go and see where life takes you. 

In Thailand Im not too sure what I’m doing or where I’m going. My best friend and I have our flight booked to Chiangmai the day she lands and a night in a hostel, but apart from that, nothing. Usually I’d be anxious to not have precise plans and dates, but it’s nice to have the freedom and the choice to explore anywhere, wherever and whenever you want. I feel like maybe travelling has turned me into a bit of a hippy, just a little bit, and I even own a rainbow tie dye dress – yes, me

C’est la vie, what will be will be.