Liv on: The Art of Changing

Australia 2017, Thoughts on Thursday, Uncategorized

One day you’re on cloud nine, exploring all these amazing new places and seeing strange animals and sights, and the next day it loses the sparkle. I can’t quite tell you when I started to feel this way but its something that’s been playing on my mind a lot. When I was in Bangkok I was honestly a click away from changing my flight from Australia to the UK and I don’t know why but I didn’t. It was like a sudden feeling came over me, like I wasn’t ready to go home entirely. I always thought travelling would make me realise what I wanted to do as a career and I’d discover some unknown things about myself. I was disappointed to find that this wasn’t the case, at least not at that moment in time.

I guess the point is this, you never realise you’ve changed in the moment, it’s only weeks after the fact when you look back and realise that you’ve reacted differently than you would of when you were your past self. It’s hard to put into words the feeling, but it feels good, really good, when you don’t cry or act like the world is ending but rather react with a simple okay and a step back to analyse why something happened and how best to move forward. 

Yesterday I realised what I want to pursue as a career. Today I feel like I’m figuring out my life long plan and tomorrow I’m hoping I’ll have an answer for the present. At the moment I’m in an awkward kind of limbo between the UK and Australia. I literally cannot get a job anywhere and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because my hearts not in it, at least not right now. I feel like my heart is ready to come home, but my willpower is so strong and stubborn. I said I would do a year, maybe two, maybe four if I went to NZ for a while and I’m finding it hard to allow myself to let go. In my mind it’s a sort of giving up. It’s just so hard to think about how I could be progressing in the UK whilst I just exist in Australia. 

I really truly do not know what I’m going to do or if my decision will be the right one, but I guess what’s life without risks hey? I took the biggest gamble coming here, but if I hadn’t I would still be staring at lab dips and feeling indifferent over three identical shades of pink. I think we always end up where we are supposed to be, or at least I like to think that way as it makes me a little less apprehensive and more excited. All shall be revealed in time. 

Liv on: Looking Ahead

Australia 2017, Tuesday

Ever since I hit Cairns on the East Coast I’ve felt stagnated, I couldn’t really get a proper job (even though I had a terrible brief time doing door to door sales hahaha) because I knew I would be leaving soon for Thailand. I fly in 4 days and I couldn’t be more excited, and not only because I’ll have a month to sit on the beach all day every day, but because when I return to Australia I can finally get a job and earn some dollars. I saved pretty hard to come out here, granted I never quite knew what I was saving for, but without fail every month I was putting away 300-500£. When I go home I want to have the same amount saved up so I won’t struggle and so the remaining 6 months of my visa will be work work work to regain my savings.

I think when I head back to England in December/January I’ll move up north, rent a cheap but cute house and live happily ever after. Part of me thinks I should explore the UK while I can, I’ve never been to Scotland or Ireland, which is a shame because they’re so close. Doing this trip solo has changed my view on the world endlessly, there are so many beautiful places just waiting to be explored. I used to spend weekends head first in a Dominos and in arms that didn’t love me, when I could of been going on spontaneous trips to somewhere that would make me feel more alive than a lazy Sunday in bed ever could. I think I want to take driving lessons when I get home (I have a full UK license but I’m an insanely nervous driver and just can’t) and then buy a camper van to explore the UK in.

I want to be doing a job I love with something that truly inspires me. I want to have goals that make me excited and motivated to succeed. I don’t have a clue what I’ll be doing a year, a month or even a week from now, but that’s what’s exciting about life. I used to hate spontaneity – random gifts and surprises would actually make me upset because I’ve always been a control freak. I still cringe over when he bought me speakers and I didn’t even know what to say except “I don’t want them”. Opps. I absolutely hated the idea of not being in charge, but now I realise that actually it’s so liberating and gives you a sense of freedom to just let go and see where life takes you. 

In Thailand Im not too sure what I’m doing or where I’m going. My best friend and I have our flight booked to Chiangmai the day she lands and a night in a hostel, but apart from that, nothing. Usually I’d be anxious to not have precise plans and dates, but it’s nice to have the freedom and the choice to explore anywhere, wherever and whenever you want. I feel like maybe travelling has turned me into a bit of a hippy, just a little bit, and I even own a rainbow tie dye dress – yes, me

C’est la vie, what will be will be. 


 

Thoughts on Thursday

Australia 2017, Thoughts on Thursday

Honestly the thing I dislike the most about travelling is the loneliness that surrounds you. I’ve found myself silently crying into dirty hostel pillows, crying as I walk home, crying just about everywhere – because being half way across the world from people you love only intensifies that feeling of isolation. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about people I really shouldn’t miss, people who made me feel like I was an option and not a choice. I am enough and I have always been enough, but for some (most) I am too much. I’m head strong, stubborn as hell and always want to get my own way. Yes, I’m that girl.

Knowing that a lot of people in the U.K. are just waiting for me to admit that I can’t cope with staying out here a year only encourages me to stay and to push myself beyond the realms of what I once thought was possible. The thought of going home, back to the routine I had makes me feel sick. I remember the breaking point for me, wanting you and only you – walking to work in the rain in tears the next day like a scene from a melodramatic teen movie – before attending my last ‘important’ meeting and being patronised over how great I was at cutting out paper stars like I was a child in my first year of primary school. The next day I handed in my notice, I found a replacement housemate and I fled.

It is so incredibly easy to idolise the life you had at home when you’re on the road, especially when you find yourself in situations that often make you uncomfortable or a little less than glamorous. However it’s important to remember your drive; the spark that lit the fire inside you to risk it all and throw yourself into the wind. Homesickness is honestly inevitable, it’s how you handle it which really matters. I haven’t been the best example of this, complaining about missing X, Y or Z whilst on a beautiful beach in surreal surroundings. Here’s to coping better with the distance and letting go of things not meant for me.

Also I can finally announce what I’ve been keeping a secret for months (and months and months AND months) – my best friend is joining me in Thailand before flying back with me to Melbourne, where we hope to find work, a houseshare and all those little things that make a city feel like home. I am super excited to have someone to share this journey with, and as I always knew she’d be joining me, it made my down days a little less dark. The sun is rising.

With glittering eyes and a heart full of love, I will overcome.

110 Days

Australia 2017

When I left my job 110 days ago, I never knew how my little spontaneous decision to move across the world would turn out. It was never my dream to travel, I was terrified of flying, heights and pretty much everything inbetween. The past two and a half months have pushed me to my limits and made me go completely out of my comfort zone because I’ve had no other choice. That is the great thing with solo travel, though admittedly lonely as hell at times, it also brings out the voice in you that you never even knew you had.

When I left Reading I have never cried so hard; to be leaving some of the best friends I’ve ever had, our cosy little house, the first boy I’ve ever really liked, a job which was secure and safe… It was absolutely horrible driving away from it and I was never really sure if anything would make me as happy again. Today I left my little east coast adventure behind me and felt a little weird. I was sat on the plane thinking about all of the amazing things I’ve seen and done in such a short space of time. All I could think about was how happy I was in that moment, thousands of feet from the ground and feeling on top of the world. That’s when I realised – I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go back to a normal life in England. And to think that some people will never venture further than the stationary cupboard genuinely depresses me. 

Yes, I have never been so poor in my life – I have absolutely nothing, but I’ve never been happier. The world does not stop spinning because you haven’t showered in three days or because you wear the same clothes day in and day out, or because your bag is a little on the heavy side and you lugged it for half hour in the pouring rain (this actually happened to me). Every struggle, every embarrassment and every joyful moment soon will become memories before you even realise it. 

If you’re unhappy in your life, only you and you alone have the power to change it.

East Coast Paradise

Australia 2017, Uncategorized

Hello from Tully, a beautiful small town located somewhere in between Townsville and Cairns. I’m currently in a hotel as our indigenous camp was cancelled, but there’s no complaints here – the hotel is Mt. Tyson and totally amazing compared to the 8 bed dirty dorms I’ve become accustomed to. My room is a single, with air con, a TV, fridge, kettle, toaster AND free wifi. 

I couldn’t even begin to tell you how completely breathtaking the past few weeks have been. I’ve had the time of my life and I’m super sad that my east coast adventure has nearly finished. Tomorrow I head to Cairns to begin my final week up north before flying to Adelaide to see our lovely family friends and then Melbourne.

The absolute highlight for me has been Fraser Island where our group quickly became a little family. We drove huge four wheel drives and camped for two nights. We saw the amazing Lake Mackenzie, another lake with those fish that eat your feet (I forget the name…) and my personal favourite Eli Creek where you float down a freezing fresh water stream in rubber rings. At night we would drink on the beach before heading to Winkies, which was a glorified tent with disco lights but so much fun when you’re off your face on goon. I’ve never seen so many stars as I did here. Then we got back to Rainbow Beach and my beautiful group surprised me on my birthday with cake and balloons at a cute pub.

Afterwards I went on an overnight train before hopping straight onto my boat around the Whitsundays. This is actually what I was most excited for when coming to Australia, but actually it felt pretty dull in comparison to Frasers. I think it’s all about the group you get and I didn’t really ‘click’ with many people on the boat but still had a great time snorkelling and exploring with the two of the funniest and friendliest people ever. 

Today I just came from Magnetic Island, which is a little Island off of Townsville. On day one we did the Fortz Walk and saw two wild koalas and watched the sunset from the top of an old war bunker which was absolutely terrifying to get to but worth it for the views over the rocks. On day two we rented what I can only describe as a death trap on wheels. After a terrifying start and nearly dying, we picked up a stray traveller and had the best day exploring the Island. We fed rock wallabies, went to a million different bays, cracked open a coconut and drank the milk before realising it was mouldy, and watched the sunset at West Point. Yesterday I held a koala and lots of lizards which was pretty cool, who knew lizards have the softest little bellies? I didn’t. 

How’s England, guys? 

Unemployment

Australia 2017

Hi there, I’m Liv and I am unemployed for the first time in a long, long time. Nothing is scarier than taking that first step towards exploring the world than giving up a well paid job, a stable home with house mates you actually like and a life where if you want to buy that sparkly new top you just can.

In two weeks time I am flying out to Sydney to begin an adventure of a life time, a total last minute decision to book a one-way ticket to the other side of the world after one particularly bad week in my life. I guess you could say I am impulsive, I am headstrong and incredibly stubborn.

In spite of it all, I feel liberated. You might be thinking I have some amazing plan of what I’m doing, places I want to visit and an endless list of things I would like to do – and I suppose my vague bucket list is better than nothing:

1. Get on a plane – I am terrified of heights and flying ever since my skydive when I was 18. A long haul flight is a huge deal for me.
2. Visit the cactus garden at Singapore airport during my layover  at Singapore airport for 1hr 35mins – My dad is convinced I won’t have enough time to see the cacti. Challenge accepted.
3. Meet a koala – Ever since my discovery that dropbears are actually a hoax to scare tourists (me), I’ve never been more excited to cuddle a friendly little koala.
4. Visit the Whitsundays – I have never seen such clear waters, I have always always wanted to go on holiday somewhere where you can actually see your feet beneath you in the water and not wonder if you’re swimming in someone’s faeces (Margate – I’m looking at you here).
5. Work on a farm in Adelaide. This one is a more reluctant addition to my list, but to score your second year visa you must spend a few months becoming one with nature (I could eye roll emoji for days).

And that’s it – that’s everything I would like to do on my travels which is not exactly a comprehensive list. Getting on the plane on my own will no doubt be the hardest thing for me and asides from that I’m planning on just going with the flow and hopefully meet people who have more solid plans than myself to tag along with.

liv