It’s been 3 weeks now since I quite my office job to chase interviews in my field of buying. So far I’ve had one (very good) job offer with the pitiful being the location and being heavily maths based vs my previous role; and then I’m also currently at the final stages for two other roles. But the thing is, I don’t know what I want. I thought I was being selective in the jobs I was applying for, but the three that, at present, are all super positive are all buying in three completely different industries.
I know what one I want in my gut which is less money, London based and still in the fashion industry. But then, I know what one I really, really want long term, which is my old job back and I haven’t heard back from them yet. I’ve been looking at houses in the area where I’ve been offered the first job and it’s all so expensive for what you get and you would *need* a car or a love of buses – Of which neither of these things I possess. I have just under a month before I would start but to get a nice house I’d have to decide next week really, I haven’t formally accepted yet either.
The thing is, when relocation is involved it makes everything seem so much scarier. I used to be all for jumping into the unknown, but now I’m so exhausted from making new friends in every new town I go to that I actually just want to settle somewhere, re-save up a deposit for a house, and eventually buy wherever I end up working. That would never work with my current offer because I didn’t feel anything for the area, there was no soul and notably no one really wandering about. It’s silly, but it’s important to me to be able to walk to work because I’m a massively nervous driver and the thought of getting behind the wheel makes me beyond anxious and with the current offer my choices are very limited. I actually only saw one house online that I liked, and you know how it is with pictures online, they don’t always represent what you might end up with.
I guess this post is pretty pointless, I’m just at a loss of what to do with my life now I’m home and I have so many scary life changing decisions to make in the coming weeks. I’m also a little disadvantaged because I am unemployed at the moment (absolutely hate admitting that) so I can’t really bide my time. My stint in an office really helped money wise, and I’m selling a lot of vintage clothes successfully on eBay which has been good, but it’s the shame I feel for not having a steady income or job that stresses me out. I can barely sleep anymore and when I finally do, I can never wake up. I think I’m falling into some sort of weird post-travel depression, I even filled in my second year visa the other day but didn’t submit it because the grass is not greener over in Australia and I know that.
I don’t know what is what anymore.